I was all up in that broad…. 

2 02 2016

The museum of course, I am after all a lady…

   
    
    
    
    
   





Unheard screams

17 11 2015

It’s like those dreams, the ones where your screaming and no sound comes out. Your panicked but nothing seems to help and you feel trapped and certain that doom is now upon you. That’s what it’s like for me everyday. Everything goes on and on and on… People come and go and no one really takes a good look at you. Or if they do they are so uncomfortable with what they see they look away and forget, or try to. No one wants to deal with a mess, especially the mess that is you. Everyday you feel just a little more dead. A little less you. Soon you feel like you barely holding on. . . Things start to slip by, you don’t sleep much, and when you do nothing can wake you. You let things like chores and shopping go until you have no choice but to deal with them. Sometimes you forget what your doing and have to retrace your steps, sometimes you cry, no, sob for no reason at all, then realize it’s all for the same reason. 

You think of what broke you, of how it happened. You can pin point the exact times for each and every crack and stress and you know exactly when and how and who broke you. And you hate the memories, and you hate what it’s turned you into. You feel trapped and insecure about everything. You are dying to know what your not as good as. Or why it was so easy to do these things to you over and over. You question your worth and eventually believe everything they said is true. You cry when you think of them late at night. And when your cold you miss their warmth. You romanticize the few good memories you have, but know that for every sweet one there are five that out number them. 

http://youtu.be/Z5ErKq4o4sQ





tired of people and games and stupidity… just tired.

9 10 2014

i find that as i get older i get angry at things i see, read and hear. i dont think its really anyone’s place to be so judgmental to anyone else considering we have no idea whats going on behind closed doors. that also may be the fact that my life is in shambles and would hate for someone to be judging me and being the semi good girl i was raised to be, i try not do what i dont like to others. that being said. i am so tired of people being self centered ignorant idiots.

Im all for expressing yourself. but please do so in an educated manner. I dont want to read about how you think abortions are wrong because babies…. i am tired of reading “im a feminist but i like when my man makes all the decisions and tells me what to do and how to think, really takes the pressure off of me.” Then you my dear are no feminist. Grow up. i totally feel for those poor women who have been objectified and abused simply because of fame… but i hate the dudes that I know who are totally whacking off to those pictures any change they get lecturing others or going off on long rants about how its wrong to even look at said pictures… fuck you dude, your a hypocrite, gross and sleazy and i dislike you.

speaking of dudes… if i like you, please do not get the wrong idea. i will be flirty. i just am. i will laugh at your jokes and will even tease you mildly. but i in no manner and or shape want to go steady with you. i do not want to meet your family, i dont want to hang out 24/7. if your my friend i expect you to be my friend. dont think that im friendly because i want anything more from you. i really dont. i am honestly so tired of people thinking i must want something when i really really dont. i picked you as a friend. respect that. be my friend.

also if a girl thinks your worth her time in the first place do not be a pussy. i get to watch my best friend navigate her way through tons of assholes… that being said… if you like a damn girl and the damn girl likes you be a man and step up. dont not call her because your afraid of looking needy. your an idiot. and girls… stop dating assholes. if he seems like an asshole, chances are hes not going to change all that much. you cant change him. and honestly you shouldnt want to.

of so ive ranted enough. just a few things i needed to get off my chest.





Not so happily ever after

21 03 2014

As I get older, I am coming to terms with the idea that I honestly don’t think I will be one of those lucky people to have a happily ever after.

In all honesty I think it’s really just a fantasy for most. Maybe I’m entirely too negative, but I can’t see everything turning out ok. I don’t see a happy family with a white picket fence and a dog. Well, not for me anyhow.

I’m really tired of hearing “your the most wonderful person, I love you dearly, you should have no problem finding someone new”… What the fuck…

Anyhow, camera dump….

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The case of the missing thread thingie… Or more aptly I’ve started to learn to tatt

26 11 2013

So my sister came up with this spectacular idea… Let’s take what little time and patience we have and focus on making mother fucking lace! Fast forward a million YouTube videos and at least 50 online step by step tutorials and I think I figured out how to finally make a single tatted ring!

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So in a brief conclusion on that…. Suck it tatting I will own you.

However… Slight snag I seem to have lost my thread thingie…. I think it’s called a bobbin… Not so sure…. So… Yeah, I suspect the 2 year old May have been collecting “treasures” again… Le sigh. Thank goodness he’s cute.





New Starts

9 11 2013

So a lot has been going on as of late… Well more or less inside the extra loud space in my head. But it seems to all be from a very interesting place. I’m not really sure why or what but it has me drawing, and making things again… So I’m not complaining. It does feel lot like a new start… A new chapter maybe. I’m not questioning it anymore. It seems to be more fun to just let it ride.

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See all in all not horrible. But makes me feel happy. Finally! Now if only I can get more time to just do that… Or anything really that doesn’t center around toon disney or making pirate hats out of paper bags from trader joes.

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Yeah and this totally happened… So much fun. It lead to spending way to much money but hey it’s so worth it when you think… Pfft what kid doesn’t want a pet dragon?
More on that later…
Ohh and epic Archer cosplay with Emilly the Strange!

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Then a overly adorable booth by crowded teeth!

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And ghostbusters! Well the car anyways… Oh and my nephew…

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The end!





So I so wasn’t lying about the losing the password thing…

26 08 2013

So…. A ton has happened…

Here is some of it…kinda.

  • My pregnancy actually resulted in a child, funny how you hear thats how it goes but you never really think its going to happen, then it does and holy crap your all what now? He's already 2 and some other amount of days….
  • Totally freelance and even a certified wedding planner… Snazzy right?! You can make fun of me here
  • Still taking pictures as much as possible, but I've turned into one of those moms…. You know the kind I'm talking about…. “Here's my sons future most embarrassing picture…. Isn't he cute?”
  • I am jealous of other people's ability to pee do anything alone.
  • Unlike other women that get all giddy when hit on, I'm now bummed because damn it I just really wanted a friend that's not a toddler…
  • I've taken my little monster everywhere with me, so he's has more stamps in his passport then most adults… Super stoked about that.
  • I've started my own business, created a new website and managed a photoshoot for it all in a 2 week period.
  • I have broken my addiction to slurpees, it has since been replaced with peach and lemon iced tea… Yeah can't get enough.
  • I've also had my guts ripped out… Really I had my gallbladder removed…. That sucked. It was worse then child birth.
  • Sadly I've lost friends, but I've also reconnected with really good old friends… And their new spouses! Even more friends! Yay!!!! Really. I'm so excited about that its weird.
  • Lets see…. Nope not married. No where near infact.
  • Super into working to my goal of a table at comic con sd 2015!!! It will happen people! It will!!!
  • Grew my hair super long then cut it off and it's back to super long, also dyed it mermaid colors… Now it's back to its normal dark brownish auburn.
  • I've moved!

Umm I know there's more, I just can't think of anything at the moment. So in lieu of more words… Look fireworks! Ohhhhh… Ahhhhhh.